When??

I got seasick as soon as we hit the unprotected waters on the way to Lembongan. The rocking catamaran pitched violently and I was grateful that our smaller original boat, The Aristocat (a sailing catamaran) was down for repairs that day. But perhaps it was more than my lack of sea legs which had me feeling queasy, nauseous and more than a little anxious. I had decided that I would ask Tessa to marry me that day. It's not that I was seriously scared she would reject me (although the thought had crossed my mind), it was the magnitude of the request and the life-altering consequences which had me more than a little flustered.

We arrived and immediately I spotted the perfect place to propose, a sheltered cove with only one other couple on it. The water was so clear that you could see the boundaries between coral and sand. We quickly hiked over to the spot and promptly rushed headlong into the crashing surf. There was no break so the waves were breaking right on shore, often so hard that Tessa would be knocked down and rolled around, all the while giggling uncontrollaby with that silly grin she gets when she can't contain the joy any longer.

What a perfect place and time to do it! Yet still something held me back, again not a fear of rejection, but a desire to do it at the absolute right time. Many perfect moments came and gone, sitting and resting under the shade of a palm tree or in the water during a calm spell. But still all I could do was open my mouth and nothing came out.

Until we were laying in the sand freshly worn out after a thorough thrashing by the surf. Why I chose this time I still am not sure. We were exhausted, over stimulated and distracted by the waves and surroundings, and fully exposed to the brutal sun. I don't want it to sound like this was the wrong time to do it, but looking back I'm not sure what motivated me at that moment to do it. Recalling the instant before, it was much like the rush you get standing on the edge of a high dive, or before jumping into a lake you know is freezing cold. You stop thinking and start doing..

So I did, I rolled around onto her legs in a sort of half-kneeling, half pleading stance and just let it out: Tessa, will you marry me? (Here is where it gets interesting), Response: What? / again / Will you marry me? / You are joking! / I'm being serious, will you marry me? / (drumroll here, at this point its clear I am not kidding and expecting the words to fall from her mouth.../ Response: When? / What? I don't know...soon. / (smiling, but still looking dead serious) But when?? / I look away for a moment here (i'm completely flustered) , and say, that doesn't matter, will you are won't you marry me? / I do! / (smile) / Or I mean Yes!. At this point I'm pretty sure she kept on pressing the when part. And for all my confidence and reluctance and rehearsing this moment I didn't have an answer! But she said yes and thats all that matters.

It might have been the massive amounts of salt water or the direct tropical sun, but I'm fairly sure that the tears forming in the creases of her eyes were from emotion, equal parts happiness and desparation to know the exact date of our wedding. (not coincidentally I spent today with her dad and we talked of his admirable dedication to punctuality, life father like daughter).

The rest of the day was sort of a blur: I remember we ate delicious food, eyed each other in a slightly different light, and snorkeled on top of a big coral reef.

I do remember, quite vividly, that I felt perfectly fine and at ease on the choppy sailing back to Bali.